Thursday, March 10, 2011

Buy The Ticket

The day we moved into our house last summer I took the boys to the zoo. We met our best friends there and had a wonderful time looking at the animals, eating a picnic lunch in the park, and catching up. Overall is was a great day. Right before we left and said goodbye to our friends, we took the kids to the amusement park section to ride a ride. We had a few free tickets- enough for Little Man and his BFF. And I didn't buy a ticket for Jameson.

So Little Man and BFF rode the train while J watched from the stroller. Why didn't I just buy him the ticket? Was I really so concerned about our budget that I couldn't drop the $1.50 on a train ride for him? Was it because then I would have to ride the train too and I didn't want to be inconvenienced? Maybe it was because I thought we'd come back another time and then he'd be able to ride with his brother. But there wasn't a next time. Two weeks later he was in the hospital and 4 months later he was dead. Why didn't I just buy him the damn ticket??

How many moments did I miss out on in his life, in my life, because I thought we could do it another time? How much richer could our lives have been if I had been living in the moment instead of the future or not even living at all because I was too busy or preoccupied with stuff to even see?

The point here is not to drag myself through the mud or magnify the guilt, but to realize that we don't always get second chances. No matter how healthy we seem to be, how happy we think we are, how invincible and secure our lives appear to be laid out before our eyes, there are no guarantees and we do not always get second chances. There may never be a second chance to read and snuggle with Little Man instead of watching a TV show. Or tell my husband I love him instead of hoping he already knows. Or call my brother just to talk and let him know I miss him.

And yes, we did do a lot with Jameson and I held him and loved on him all the time. But there was room for more and I didn't always seize the opportunities that were placed before me. I will never regret taking the time to tell or show someone I love that they matter to me. And even though it was such a small thing, I will always wish I had bought that ticket.

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