The day we moved into our house last summer I took the boys to the zoo. We met our best friends there and had a wonderful time looking at the animals, eating a picnic lunch in the park, and catching up. Overall is was a great day. Right before we left and said goodbye to our friends, we took the kids to the amusement park section to ride a ride. We had a few free tickets- enough for Little Man and his BFF. And I didn't buy a ticket for Jameson.
So Little Man and BFF rode the train while J watched from the stroller. Why
didn't I just buy him the ticket? Was I really so concerned about our
budget that I couldn't drop the $1.50 on a train ride for him? Was it
because then I would have to ride the train too and I didn't want to be
inconvenienced? Maybe it was because I thought we'd come back another
time and then he'd be able to ride with his brother. But there wasn't a
next time. Two weeks later he was in the hospital and 4 months later
he was dead. Why didn't I just buy him the damn ticket??
How many moments did I miss out on in his life, in my life, because I
thought we could do it another time? How much richer could our lives
have been if I had been living in the moment instead of the future or
not even living at all because I was too busy or preoccupied with stuff
to even see?
The point here is not to drag myself through the mud or magnify the
guilt, but to realize that we don't always get second chances. No matter
how healthy we seem to be, how happy we think we are, how invincible
and secure our lives appear to be laid out before our eyes, there are no
guarantees and we do not always get second chances. There may never be
a second chance to read and snuggle with Little Man instead of watching a
TV show. Or tell my husband I love him instead of hoping he already
knows. Or call my brother just to talk and let him know I miss him.
And yes, we did do a lot with Jameson and I held him and loved on him
all the time. But there was room for more and I didn't always seize the
opportunities that were placed before me. I will never regret taking
the time to tell or show someone I love that they matter to me. And even
though it was such a small thing, I will always wish I had bought that