Peg's Meatloaf

I thought I would give you all a little present on this gorgeous and happy, albeit tired Wednesday.  What I have for you is a recipe.  And not just any recipe.  This is a recipe for the meatloaf of all meatloaves.  It is my mom's recipe and, let me tell you, Peg knows how to make a loaf! 

So Happy Wednesday and enjoy your loaves this week. 

Peg's Meatloaf

2 lbs ground meat(any combo works: beef, pork, turkey, chicken)
1 pkg frozen spinach thawed and drained
1 pkg dry onion soup mix
1/2 cup mayo or miracle whip
2 eggs
1/2 cup oatmeal
1 pkg shredded cheese

Mix it all together, except the cheese.   Pat it out like a rectangular pizza on foil.   
Sprinkle the cheese on top and pat it in a bit.  Now using your foil to help you along, roll your loaf.  Make sure you peel back the foil so it doesn't get stuck in the loaf.  Put the rolled loaf in a baking dish or roaster.

I like to make it a wonder dish wonder and add veggies to the sides with a little water in the bottom of the pan.  Salt and pepper the veggies to taste. Last night we had a turkey loaf with rutabaga, carrots and Brussels sprouts all in the same pan.  

Cover with foil.  Bake at 350 for 1.5 hours.  (I do 375 because I almost always make my loaves bigger and never squeeze the spinach well enough.)

Enjoy your new favorite dinner.  Unless you are a vegetarian. 

Never Enough

Last night I sat in a little chair and talked with Little Man's teacher across a little table at his beginning of the year conference.   We talked about his personality, how well he's adjusting to first grade, and how he's doing.  I walked into the school tired and drained, but feeling really good about the fact that I had brushed my teeth and the yoga pants I was wearing actually fit me.  About half way though the short meeting, I was trying really hard not to cry.

She said one little harmless line and it almost broke this camel's back.  Little Man has to get pulled out of class daily for extra reading support.  Really, it isn't a big deal.  I know my boy is smart and I know he'll get it in his time.  But everything inside me started screaming that I have failed as a mother yet again.  I am not good enough.

I'm completely drained this week, emotionally and physically.  And everywhere I look I just keep seeing how I'm never enough.  I see the crumbs and coffee stains on the counters.  The laundry piled up, unfolded. The dishes overflowing in the sink.  I'm never a good enough housekeeper.   The baby wakes up with a poopy diaper that has clearly been there for a while.  As I bathe her and slather her with cream, all I can think about is how I should have checked her pants during that third middle of the night feeding.  I'm never enough as a mother.  Hubby scrambles to find an unwrinkled dress shirt for work because I didn't get that ironing done yet.  I'm not enough as a wife, either.

I feel like a big, fat failure.  And I'm so tired.  And I'm missing my Jameson. And all I want to do is run away from everything.

About a month after I had the miscarriage, I gave my testimony at a MOPS coffeehouse event.  I sobbed through the whole thing; I can't imagine anyone heard what I was saying.  Which is a good thing, because it ended on a super cheesy note.  Maybe someday I'll post it here...maybe with the cheese removed.  I do have a point in bringing this up.  In my testimony, I talk about losing Jameson and losing the baby and how God has healed me and made me whole again.  And it's true.  God's healing does work.  But there is a trick to it.  I'm learning that he doesn't actually "cure" us on this earth.  When we go to heaven, that is when we will be cured and made perfect.  Here, on this earth, we need God's healing all the time.  It's as if we are spiritual diabetics and God is our insulin.  One dose will only work for so long and then we need more.  And then we need more.

I'm not going to tie this together eloquently today.  But you can see where this is going.   I hope.  (I'm not a good enough writer either!!!)  All this I'm-not-enough-business is absolutely true.  I am not enough.  And I seem to forget that so often.  But God is enough.  And I don't need to be enough; I just need Him.

Psalm 103:1-5 "Praise the Lord, O my soul, all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits Who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's."

Five

Happy Birthday Jameson.

We wish you were here and five and covered in chocolate and frosting.  I'm sure heaven is better, but I still wish you were here.  We love you and miss you terribly. 

What's For Dinner

It has taken some time, but I finally am starting to cook and bake again and it feels great.  I think getting Little Man back to school and being in a routine has helped immensely.  And I definitely had some great inspiration from going out during our staycation.  

Last night, we had eggplant ragout with homemade bread sticks.  I also made a loaf of whole wheat bread for lunches and banana bran muffins for breakfast since the oven was already on.  It got a little toasty in here last night.

Friday night I came home from working out to this:

Hubby cooked me salmon with roasted sweet potatoes, portabello mushrooms and spinach salad.  He is amazing.

Saturday night we had pizza.  Our latest and greatest invention was a pie with homemade pesto sauce, fresh spinach leaves, roasted beets and goat cheese.  I could have eaten the whole dang pie myself.  But then I wouldn't have had room for the macaroons my cousin made.  And they were sooooo good!

I was all set to tell you about this awesome chicken dish we had last week, too.  But I can't remember what was in it.  I think it was a white wine sauce with loads of fresh veggies from the farmer's market.  Spinach and peppers, onions, mushrooms.  Hard to go wrong with loads of fresh veggies.

Little Lady and I will head to the farmer's market again this morning and make another large batch of pesto today.  Hopefully we'll then have enough to make it through winter.  She's a good helper at the market and in the kitchen!

Today is September 11th and I feel a little weird writing about food.  I remember the shock, confusion and fear of that day, followed by the immense sadness.  It was 11 years ago.  All I can think about is how time makes it harder when you lose someone and I feel so badly for the people left behind, mourning their loved ones.  May God bring them peace today.

We have a birthday coming up this week.  I'm feeling weird and sad about that, too.  Last year on J's birthday we were in Portland.  We ate Voodoo doughnuts and I went to the Grotto and sobbed at the feet of Mary holding Jesus.  Two years ago we had cake in an ICU waiting room, terrified for our boy.  Three years ago, we had ice cream sundaes at home and watch J open a million gifts from the resale shop.

He was two when he had his last "real" birthday.  And Saturday he should be turning five.  I don't know if we'll make a cake or have ice cream, cry or sing, but I do know that our heavy and broken hearts will be celebrating our Jameson and wondering what five is like in heaven.