Thursday, November 16, 2017

Hello Again

Oh my goodness, it has been eons since I've last written here.

I was trying to think about how to write a short update on life, since its been quite the adventure lately, but I'm not sure how short it can be.  But I'll try.  So we moved.  Hubs got a job way up north and we finished the home improvement projects, sold our house, packed up a moving truck and moved into a tiny, not-so-great apartment and house hunted.  And then we moved into a tiny house, but not a #tinyhouse, if you know what I mean.  We basically bought heaven on earth, but it needs a little adding on so the kids have things like bedrooms.  And Hubs loves his job.  And Little Lady started FULL DAY kindergarten (can I get an AMEN?), and Little Man is now in middle school, God help me.  And holy buckets, life is so good.  I have this amazing thing called alone time every day.  Its incredible.  I've been using it to hike and bike and explore.  And try to squeeze full-time grad school into that, too.  I'm a procrastinator, so that isn't going quite as well as it should, but it'll be fine.  I hope.  So here's the new view from the front door.  Heaven on earth. 





My tiny house isn't really that tiny and it has an amazing kitchen.  I've been cooking a lot and will try to put some more food posts here if I get my act together.  Here's a few pictures that are especially fantastic owing to that whole we-moved-to-paradise-thing. 





I am still missing my boy every second of every day.  We are coming up on seven years.  And I still get the aches and pains and extra dark days from Aug-Jan as my body and mind grieve his illness and death.  Its been a little better this year.  Partly because I'm taking better care of myself.  I'm exercising more and sleeping more and my stress levels are way down.  But my boy is still gone and the scars in my heart still ache for him. 

And we are still in the Newbie stage and meeting everyone and everyone always asks how many kids I have and I still fumble over that question.  It's a thorn in my side that I think I just need to learn to live with. I feel like no matter what I say, it will never be the right answer.  And I know everyone means well, but I'm just so tired of people finding out and only ever asking about his death.  Can we please stop focusing on the worst part of my life and maybe talk about his life instead? 

I get it, I really do.  And I'm sure I'm guilty of it too.  We all want to hear about the phoenix rising from the ashes, how people survive tragedy and continue to live; its inspirational and its a testimony of my life and faith.  And I've been writing about it for years.  But its also the darkest and most painful part of my entire existence.  It would just be so nice for someone to ask me to tell them about Jameson's life instead of asking me about his death. 

Arg, I opened the floodgates but I don't have time for it right now owing to that whole procrastination thing with grad school.  I have to write a paper before Little Lady gets off the bus. But I think I'll be back soon.  It feels good to write again.

Friday, September 15, 2017

Ten

We've been having glitchy and bad internet connections since we moved into our house and I'm not able to update the blog well, but today is Jameson's 10th birthday!
Happy Birthday, my boy!
We are going to make a chocolate cake, because the kid knew what was important in life.
Jameson, we love you and miss you and hope you have a marvelous birthday in heaven!