Wednesday, January 26, 2011

One Month

I miss him so much. This angel of mine. He has been gone for a month. Sometimes it feels like yesterday. Other times is feels like years have gone by.

He misses him too. His best friend, his brother.

My heart aches and breaks twice over every day.

There is always something missing. No matter how much fun we have, no matter how busy we stay, no matter how much loves flows between us here, there is a hole. And I can't fill that hole for him. There is nothing I can do to take away that ever present ache in my Little Man. Everything we do together screams that Jameson is gone and the balance is so off I don't know how to be.

I feel an overwhelming guilt and helplessness and sorrow for my boy. His best friend is gone. His brother is gone. My son is only four and already he knows a pain and sorrow and emptiness so unbearable that is brings me to my knees and breaks me over and over again. And I can't do anything about it. I can't take it away. I can't fix this. I can't save him from this pain any more than I could save Jameson. And I weep for both my boys and the pain I can't take away.

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