Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Lonely Walls

I am up to my ears in newspaper and boxes. Today I'm packing toys and starting on the dreaded kitchen. All my "friends" are gone. The books are all boxed up and the pictures have all been carefully wrapped and packed, as well. This part is always sad and slightly depressing for me. The mess, the chaos, but mostly the lonely walls. And this year is way worse because there are no pictures of my sweet J left. I find myself taking breaks often to look at his slide show on my computer.

I'm so glad we are so super busy this week to keep the reminders slightly at bay, but it is still a rough go for me. Tomorrow we are heading to the State Fair in the afternoon and that will be fun and difficult. That was one of the last fun things we did together as a family last summer. Jameson has a blast. He ate cheese curds, hot dogs, and milk shakes.

He was a dancing machine to the live music. It was a great day. As with everything, tomorrow will be fun, but the ghost will follow me all day, reminding me of what is missing. Everyone says it gets easier with time, but the pain and loss don't seem to be getting any easier. The only thing that gets easier is learning how to live around the pain. But I suppose that is all I can ask for.

I'm a little overwhelmed with the mess and the packing and the activities we are cramming into this last week here. Additionally, we are still trying to find a place to live up north; if you have a minute, please say a prayer that we are able to find the right place. Having dogs has made this process much more difficult than we anticipated. I know it will all go okay, but I'm really looking forward to having everything settled a little bit.

Ah, time to get back to work. Those toys won't pack themselves! Thanks for all the support and prayers and offers of help. I'm so thankful to have such a wonderful group of friends and family!

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