August

I've been meaning to write often, but haven't had the quiet time to sort through my thoughts. We've just been so busy. Some is good- like getting to go on a date with my husband Friday night and heading to the Irish Fair on Sunday after church. Some is hectic, like last minute pricing for a garage sale and realizing that I only have 2 weeks to pack up everything we own before we move out. Groooaaaannnn.... And I've just been so tired.

And August is taking it's toll on me. One year ago today, we moved into this house. It was happy chaos and we were excited about our year, our plans, our future. But two weeks later our lives turned upside-down. August 31st is a difficult anniversary. It is the last time our family of four slept under the same roof. It was the last morning we can remember without fear or sadness being a constant shadow over our lives. It was the last morning we played together. The last day my sweet boy ran and laughed and really, truly lived. It was just supposed to be an hernia repair, and in many ways, it was the day our boy and our family died. Every day of August is a reminder of how perfect things were last year at this time and how much is missing this year.

But August is also a happy month. Summer days spent laughing and playing. Family birthdays and anniversaries galore. Camping trips, fishing excursions, cookouts, movie nights. Excitement for new adventures and wonderful plans for the future. We are still so blessed. Still as happy as we can possibly be. But the shadow is always here. And my Jameson is not.