Thursday, February 3, 2011

Heaven On Earth

He was so perfect.

He really was too good to be true.

And now he seems like a dream; a glorious dream I never want to wake up from because I am so afraid I will forget.

I don't want to forget one thing about my angel-boy. Nothing. But just like a dream, it seems so easy to forget and it terrifies me. I find myself desperate to balance the memories and life of my baby but also have some relief from the pain and it doesn't work. I either remember him; every remarkable detail, including the pain of him being gone or I am numb and he is little more than a faint dream. I can't have it both ways and every day is like a pendulum as I swing from one extreme to the other.

He is so worth every excruciating heart break and more.

He truly was heaven on earth; while I would give almost anything to have him back for even one minute, it seems right that he is where he is. I marvel when I think of how he must be in his full perfection. I cannot wait to walk through those pearly gates, kiss Jesus' feet and then see my perfect little boy.

I miss him so much.

I miss the way he felt in my arms.

His soft skin and his silky hair and his perfect, round head.

I miss his kisses and snuggles.

I miss his laughter.

I miss his dancing.

My angel-boy. My heaven on earth.

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