Today joy looks like rain falling from a grey sky. All night long, as I tossed and turned, I could hear the rain gently falling on the roof, so calming and welcome after such a dry summer. I rolled over and just listened, wide awake at 4:30 am for the third day in a row, willing myself to fall back asleep, knowing how much harder this makes the evenings. But my mind would not give in to the desires of my heart and flesh and I reluctantly got up and started the coffee.
Joy looks like coffee every day. And when the coffee runs out, it looks a lot like the pot of Earl Grey brewing on my counter. I'm not sure why I can't sleep. Its not because I'm not tired, because I am. But I feel alive in a way that needs the day to begin. Much like the rain is waking up our parched and dormant grass that has only needed mowing twice all summer, my mind is rousing. I've been in a dry season all summer. A season of exhaustion and excitement and entertainment galore that has unknowingly depleted me and left me thirsty.
I didn't even realize how thirsty I was until I started reading this book by Micha Boyett called Found. Ann Voskamp(my hero) recommended this book on her blog and without even thinking about it, without checking the budget, reading the reviews or even really looking at the subject, I bought it. I just knew I had to have it. It arrived last week shortly after J's birthday and I haven't been able to put it down. I told Hubs last night that I can't wait to finish reading this book so I can start reading it again. And he, of course, asked why it was so great? To which I replied with silence and then, "it just is."
I wasn't done with his question, just not able to put into words the quenching power of Micha's words for my soul. Because I've been bone-dry for months, just trying to make it through the days but not really seeing. Oh every now and again I remember to write down my gifts and really stop to SEE, but for the most part, I've just been along for the ride. But when I started reading this book, I started reflecting a little more, started thinking a little deeper and questioning myself. I've started to understand prayer and quiet time and how sacred each moment can be if only I allow it. And I'm falling in love with life a little more this week. I'm SEEing and hearing and feeling and it is all so vulnerable and beautiful and empowering. Which is all still so vague and I'm sorry for that. I'm going to read with a highlighter this second time through.
My tea cup is empty and I can smell the tomato vines on my fingers as I hold it close to my lips, thinking. Today joy looks like harvesting tomatoes in the rain and warm cookies from the oven. The world seems new to me; there is a sheen I haven't noticed in a long time and I'm ready to drink it all in.