Seven

Happy Birthday Jameson

Your brother and sister picked out the biggest Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles balloons in the store and I bet you'd think they were pretty cool.  We are making you a s'mores cake, remembering just how much you loved chocolate and marshmallows.  I'm sure you are having a lovely time in Heaven.  Are birthdays as exciting as coming home days?  

There is so much I wish I could ask you. So many things about you I wish I could know.  If you were still here you would be seven now.  And going into second grade.  I imagine you would be learning to ride your bike and read and write.  You'd have so many friends because everyone has always loved you and that could never change.  I imagine you hair would still be red and you'd still have the best laugh and still be an amazing dancer.  

I miss you so much, my sweet Jameson.  We all miss you every day.  Do you look down and see us as we look at your pictures?  Do you watch your little sister kiss the brother she doesn't know?  Do you see your big brother climb to the top bunk, wishing with everything inside him that you were still just a few steps away?  Do you see me still sleep with your blankey once in a while, wishing you were still wrapped up in my arms?  Do you see us happy when we remember you?  You were such a bright light.  You will always be my boy, Jameson, my sweet baby J. 

I used to hope that when you grew up, you'd never want to leave home.  That you would move into an apartment above the garage and be hot tub buddies with your Dad.  That you would eat dinner with us and travel with us and we'd be the luckiest people in the whole world to never have to have an empty nest.  But it didn't work out that way, my boy.  You left us much too soon.

Today, on your seventh birthday, I want to tell you what I hope for now.  I hope for a long and happy life here.  The kind of life that makes you proud when you see your bright light shining on inside of me.  A life lived so full of passion, zest, grace, love, and joy that it can count for both of us.  I dream about the day when it's my turn to leave here.  What it will be like to see you and see HIM and be whole and full and to finally understand.  I can't wait to meet you in Heaven, my boy.  But I know that I must, and that's okay too.  

I'm sure you will have an amazing cake up there.  Who is the pastry chef anyway?  So many things I wish I could know.  Someday I look forward to getting the grand tour from you.  

But until then, I'm sending up all my love, my sweet boy, all my love and hugs and kisses.  

Happy Birthday, Jameson.