I'm typing with one hand because I'm holding a sleeping baby in the other. Little Lady is sick. I love the snuggles but mostly just want her better. She wants me 24/7. Last night she slept on my chest. I'm caffeinated to the max this morning.
We went to the doctor this morning after Little Man got on the bus because she won't drink and we're a little worried about her dehydration. She's not great, but not bad enough to get an IV yet. My job today is to continue to force feed her pedialyte with a syringe so we stay safely dehydrated, if you will. Not fun for anyone.
The doc was kinda hard because she had to get a chest xray. The last time I had to help hold down a screaming child for an xray was the day Jameson got sick. It was after his surgery and his sats just wouldn't pop up and the anesthesiologist was convinced I lied and brought a sick kid to surgery so I didn't have to reschedule. He quickly changed his tune when we saw the xray with two collapsed lungs and fluid everywhere. That was the very beginning of the end. That one xray.
It was so easy to remember that day today. To look down and see both my babies on that table. To feel how familiar the lead apron felt. It was so easy to be scared today too. After all, we weren't expecting J's disease either. We had no clue that deadly disease was lurking and growing inside his sweet little body. None. We found out a week later and it all went downhill so fast. As I've said before, we have no illusions of invincibility anymore, so it was easy to be a little scared. I even packed a small over night bag before heading to the doctor, just in case.
She has pneumonia. That's all. Nothing scary right now. Pneumonia, ear infections and dehydration. All of which require mom to stay calm, love, love love, and push those fluids. And she's gonna be just fine. And I say that, thinking of the irony. How can I have no illusions of invincibility but still be sure of her health? Because I choose to. I know bad things can happen. I've experienced bad things happening. The worst. But I've also experienced loads of good things. And I can look at the statistics and see what an anomaly J's illness was. So yes, I know bad things do happen and can happen, but I also know that that doesn't mean they will happen. And I also know that even if the do, I will survive.
And so we go on.
The doc showed me her chest xrays. It was the first time I've seen any of those since J was sick. Her ribs are cute, too. I was amazed when I saw her pictures. "Healthy" lungs with no collapsed lobes and chests with no picc lines and chest tubes are just beautiful sights to behold. I sat in that chair and patiently nodded as he explained what I already could see so plainly and thanked God for those beautiful images. These gifts are sometimes so bittersweet with this perspective I've gained.
Alas, I need to awaken sleeping beauty and forcibly inject some Pedialyte down her throat. May you see gifts everywhere you look this week.