Dreams

We have new snow! About a foot of beautiful, white, fluffy snow. It is gorgeous. We have been trying to enjoy it as much as possible. Two things make that difficult.
1. We live in a city.
2. We have a 4 yr old.
We took Little Man out for a hike/sled ride on Sunday afternoon but the wind was biting and his cheeks were just too red so we had to abort mission and head home. Which was fine, actually, because our cheeks were too rosy as well and the biting wind just wasn't worth it to walk through a neighborhood. I'll take wind if it comes with mountains and woods, though.

Today is not windy. Today is sunny and blue skies and snow that glistens in the sun as if studded with millions of diamonds. Little Man and I went snowshoeing for a bit on this glorious day. We went to a local, small nature preserve and the trail was much too short and the child was much too tired and my sweat came not from the hills but from piggybacking the 50 pounds of tired boy through the gleaming snow. But for a moment between the exhausted whines and my own frustrating desire to move back to the mountains, it was perfect. The sun was filtering down through the trees at just the perfect angle. The birds were singing ever so sweetly as they flew overhead, shadows chasing below on the brilliant white snow. The air was fresh and clear, the boy was laughing and running ahead, dragging a stick through the fresh powder. And I thanked God for this little piece of paradise right here in this moment. It was healing and refueling and inspiring.

And now I want to move back to the mountains. Sigh. Today is a day for dreaming. Not the dreams that could have been or should have been but the dreams that just may be. The dreams of what to plant in the garden this summer, where to camp when the snow melts. Dreams of a cozy country house with an enormous kitchen table and a family big enough to fill it. Dreams filled with hope and excitement. These dreams are always bittersweet because my sweet Jameson is not in them and I so long for him to be here and to be there in my dreams, in my future. But I cannot stop dreaming; I cannot stop living my life as long as I still have it. This life is far too great a gift to waste. So I dream my bittersweet dreams and thank God for this gift of a life that is miraculously still so full. Full of love, full of hope, full of dreams.